I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
