so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
