$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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