i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize