I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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