literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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