i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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