im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
