While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize