don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
there is puke in my bra ... again
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
