So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
