She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
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