hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
