C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize