people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
