My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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