How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
