Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
