You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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