you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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