She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
