How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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