How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
