ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
