I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
where are my eyebrows?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
