She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
