I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize