The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
