God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
