Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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