Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so that wasnt chicken after all
Someone shit on the floor
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
