This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
there's paper in my vomit.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
