is your mom at the bar?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
