Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
