the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
