its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
