bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Randomize
