hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just high enough for therapy.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
