I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
