I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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