Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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