Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
