Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
