meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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