i barfeds in our rink
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
there is glitter all over my balls
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