tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
