Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
