Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
