I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
