I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
