Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize