if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
