We won't sleep together?
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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