She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
