she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
