You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize