Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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