dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
