just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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