i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
