I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
