are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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