we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
