not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
