Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize