If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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