I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
