I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
no. you can't hotbox the world.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
