Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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