I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
