I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
