I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
