remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
