pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
