I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
