You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
