Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
