Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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