I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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