Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
