I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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