I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The uberlube is also flammable
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
