YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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