Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
