We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
