This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
