So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
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