Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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