just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
