Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
