I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
