Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
