Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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