It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
