Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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