we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
