I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
how does that bad decision feel?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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