aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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