Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
