I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
