He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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