We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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