I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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