Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
stop calling my apartment porn island.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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